My Career as THE ARTIST

by Wyatt Williams on 09:43
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WARNING: Warnings will be placed wherever the hell I want them to be because I am EXTREMELY POWERFUL.


Many people have told me that I am an artist. Which is plainly not true. I am THE ARTIST.




All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. But Wyatt, he is THE ARTIST and I bow down to his glory. You know what I'm saying?
-Pablo Picasso

SEE! a genuine quote from a real artist!
But, being THE ARTIST has it's drawbacks (even when people name black and white, silent movies after me) for one my veins run with paint. Which is really goopy and ruins medical equipment. Secondly I can't not make masterpieces, WHICH SUCKS, because people die when they see some of my drawings. Of course some fellow artists have survived the awe inspiring beauty that is my art, or AWEINSPBEAUTHAISMART for short. Like famous gay interior designer, Michelangelo (which I asume means MIKEANGEL in english). 
Seriously though that guy was so good at painting he even gave ME pointers (which is not slang for doing the nasty)
When Mike painted the Sistine Chapel with me (he painted all the boobs, don't worry mom) he broke he broke his back and said this:

Genius is eternal patience. And you Wyatt. Please paint this for me. Also go to coffee with me.
-Michelangelo (the guy I went to coffee with)

Needless to say I finished It, naked people and all. I even painted God's billowy flowing beard. You know, the one that God shows to his barbers so they know how to cut it. 

Later in my THE ARTIST career I hung out for a while with Vincent Van Gogh (pronounced Van Goff? Go?) I just called him Vince. For most of the time he called me Wyatt, well, first he called me THE ARTIST just like EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD. What? You think that is a LIE, I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER, GET BACK TOGETH-I MEAN LIED EVER IN YOUR LIFE! Here is proof:

For my part I know nothing with any certainty EXCEPT THAT WYATT WILLIAMS IS THE ARTIST, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.
-Vincent Van Gogh


We painted sunflowers, and stars, and people, and stores, and him getting murdered... I should probably use that as EVIDENCE in THE COURT OF TRUTH (where people come to find the BUBBLE GUM, which is judge slang for GUILTY PARTY). 

Even later I got a girlfriend and it was cool. But she wasn't a painter, and didn't call me THE ARTIST, so it didn't work out. ALSO I WAS A TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND BUT THAT IS CIRCUMSTANTIAL GO AWAY.

THEN, I hung out with Leonardo Da Vinci. He was just inventing stuff and writing backwards all the time and I got incredible bored so I just drew a picture of a girl smiling called... um... what was it... Mona Louis? What was her name? WHATEVER. IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT. 
So anyways, he was boring.

After that there was a long period of time called THE DARK AGES (or MAY OF 1995) when I stopped painting and went on to other things, like being born. All the cuddling and finger painting was alright, but it instilled other preschoolers with wisdom and glory, or death. (too far?)

In my youth YES YOUTH, I DID ALL THESE THE ARTIST ACTIVITIES BEFORE I WAS BORN, NO TIME MACHINE REQUIRED--WAIT WHERE IS THE CAPS LOCK KEY? SOMEONE PRESSED IT DIDN'T THEY?!--Okay we are back. Well I am back. 

Night Time

by Wyatt Williams on 02:16
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HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW I WRITE AT 2 IN THE MORNING FOR YOU:

Some nights, I can't sleep.
Tonight, will forever go down in the history books as one of those nights. That is presuming that they write history books about when I cant sleep, which they probably will because my life is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (not pronounced s-ewwwwwww) interesting.




Today our topic will be about views. Not those silly "POLITICAL VEIWS" peasants have. I am talking about real views. Like views on youtube, or for example, this blog. While I like to lie to myself that I don't care about these, WHICH I CAN BECAUSE I AM SO BRILLIANT, I actually do. I catch myself looking at the views on my blog and reacting like this: :( or sometimes O.O but most often times :/

here are some bunnies

     |\   /|
      \|_|/
      /. .\
     =\_Y_/=
      {>o<}

     |\   /|
      \|_|/
      /. .\
     =\_T_/=
      (>o<)

     |\   /|
      \|_|/
      /. .\
     =\_Y_/=
      {>o<}

Writer's Block

by Wyatt Williams on 15:59
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"For me, writer's block totally never happens hahaha never ever."
-something I have never said

Not only do I experience WRITER'S BLOCK, I also experience WRITER'S NEVER START (which is known to few as writer's block). Today I experienced the billowy feather of a eagle [that was made of swords, that fell on me] known as writer's block,


and it was lovely
and it was MOST DEFINITELY NOT LOVELY. 

Writer's block as two main symptoms: your writing ability being blocked, and the inexplainable need to find more ways to make sounds with your body (e.g. the ankle pop).
Writer's for many years have experienced this phenomenon, (great writer's have kicked its ass) and it has gone by many names, e.g. writer's block. BUT, what you may not have known is that writer's block can happen in REAL LIFE. Not in the alternate dimension that all great writer's meditate into to grab their best selling books. 
Writer's block can even happen in places where you aren't even writing! Now some of you may be saying, "Wyatt, wouldn't that not be writer's block and ju--" Shut up! Writer's block can come when you are doing basketball, and are trying to quickly jot down the poem you were thinking of while doing a dunk, but were then blocked. WRITER'S BLOCKED! 
It can be when you can't think of what the next musical note needs to be in your song about writer's being incredibly handsome. WRITER'S BLOCKED!
It can even be when you are in the NORMAL DIMENSION and are writing a blog post but can't think of anything to write! WRITER'S BL--
But wait! Like a GREAT infomercial, there is more!
You can stop writer's block from ever happening!
you just now
What you need to do is just babble on about anything and make your readers pretend it is good writing, JUST LIKE MOBY DICK!

And there you have it!




Note via Editor


The Good, The Bad, and The Incredibly Handsome

by Wyatt Williams on 21:08
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This blog post will be divided into THREE PARTS. A first part, a second part, then another part which I will count up to later. So FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS (if you are reading this in a car).

PART ONE
the good

I am a big believer in the "GIF SET RESPONSE" in any situation. Facebook, Twitter, the State of The Union, Myspace, School Reports, and so on. (I was only joking! Nobody uses Myspace anymore!)
I recently used this method to console a friend on facebook who was having a hard time with a book. This is not to say that she was stupid, or couldn't read, or could not correctly break into the Library of Congress' secret vault.


(a picture of me before my knowledge enamel was removed)
This is only to say that the book she was reading, or more the author, created ALL THE FEELS inside of her wonderful brain and tormented her for hours. Non-internet goers (or "PEASANTS", as they are called) may not know what "all the feels" are. Well, there is no such thing as "all the feels" there is only ALL THE FEELS. "ALL THE FEELS" is a gift or  that events, writers, or tv shows/movies/kitten hunting, give people as a cruel twisted joke that both makes people amazed and admire the gifter, and also hate them with all their now twisted, mad, and depressed selves.
I had decided that I was best to cheer her up (as best I could) with one of the only ways (out of 3,097,243 ways) I know.
GIF SETS.
And so I did. I went through my GIF SET BOOKMARK SECTION (bookmark section!!!) and picked out the best ones I could find for the situation. I then gave a gift that has been around forever:
flying cats

Then, to my surprise. I was announced the winner:


"^ AND WE HAVE A WINNER"
-Gorgie 



The En--

PART TWO
the bad

As you may be aware, if you are my friend and not Satan, I had my KNOWLEDGE ENAMEL yanked out of my mouth and thrown into the trash like any tool in Minecraft made of gold. Before the theft and kidnapping (see: the post) I was terrified that I would never, ever, ever, get back together with my wisdom and my wit. 
BUT I DID. 
I MADE IT. 
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In my previous post I also mentioned that the dental surgen (see: dictionary under the entry 'evil (n)') had previously EFFED UP, also known as "made a simple mistake about how much medication I needed to keep the pain away". AND HE DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE!
Did I tell him? No.
But he is a DOCTOR and should know these things!
HOWEVER! He did make me have sleepy sleepy fun times while he sliced up my mouth with I assume kitchen knives and small katanas. 
I am alive and well (i.e. in pain) now.

THE NEXT PART
the incredibly handsome

My surgery left my in much pain and... well... see for yourself.
beautiful right?
fin

KNOWLEDGE ENAMEL TO BE REMOVED.

by Wyatt Williams on 00:48
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This, unfortunately, may be the end of all my wisdom and all my ever powerful thoughts. The same thoughts that have been known, from time to time, to move mountains a few nanometers (A FEW NANOMETERS!!!) may now be forcibly removed because "You don't have space in your mouth for them, oh great wise one." Is exactly what the dentist said to me.

He looked at me with his sad, yet somehow incredibly judgmental eyes, and cried a single tear. I watched it fall and with my superbioniceyes 2.0 I saw the tear drop ripple as it dropped off his face. just a soft ripple, as it was being blown away by his forceful, dreadful, voice speaking the words that only a dentist (or dental surgen) would say to my kind, forever wise face.


"YOU NEED TO GET THEM REMOVED VERY SOON" 
-evil


As you can see, this is obviously talking about my KNOWLEDGE ENAMEL, or "WISDOM TEETH" as the peasants and dental professionals say. However, because I am so wise and funny, I get to call things whatever I want. 
ON ANOTHER (THE SAME) NOTE, my knowledge enamel will be excavated at 9:00 (IN THE DAY LIGHT TIME OF THE PACIFIC)  and I have absolutely no say in the matter. I am scheduled to be kidnapped and then knocked unconscious  I assume with a large paddle, or Chinese phonebook, and then they will shove cutlery into my mouth until they find the secret compartment where my wisdom is stored.  



BUT THE WORST PART of this short "POST" is that I know this dental surgen. He has done some previous pain-giving to me before. The last time I was with him he didn't give me enough pain medication, or DRUGS as we call it in the Abbey, and I had the [non]pleasure of knowing the feeling of a DENTAL SAW DIGGING INTO MY FLESH FOR OVER HALF AN HOUR. But alas I did not say anything to him.
Because he had a saw.
In my mouth.

And he will again.


The Prequel/The Pilot/The First

by Wyatt Williams on 13:41
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       Ah, the beauty that is blogging.
       Originally I thought that blogging was a useless diary for teen girls to write down in their patented OMG's and LOL's and complaints on the universe and it's downfalls (mainly in the field of men).
       However, now I have found that it is completely different! It is no longer a stupid diary for girls! It is also for MEN! I have found this out because I started reading the blog of one such blogger going by
the alias: JORDAN. (his blog). I believe his real name is Robert Downey Jr. due to the picture of his face on his blog. I never knew Robby-Downer was such a great writer. Of course all of this is a lie and I am doing this for the incredible fame I will be getting after this post.


       In this blog, I will be explaining one thing: WHO THE F**K IS WYATT.

       Because I know and you don't so ha.




P.S. Probably not going to be talking about myself the whole time...
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